U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
