He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
