just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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