I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
So much rum. So many feels.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
