we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
