Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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