i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Be still, my beating vagina.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
