he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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