if i can run in heels then i can drive
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
