So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
