I bet he comes in French.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
