thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
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Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
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You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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