It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
