i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
