I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Blood and glitter go together right?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
