His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
