I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
