She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
