I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
