You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
