if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
