at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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