I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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