I'm gonna have a badass scar
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
