my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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