i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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