I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
