Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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