I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
