About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
