I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
