Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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