If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
My life is pants optional.
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