I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
