hotel room ftw
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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