Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
