the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
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