He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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