so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
