who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
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I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
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We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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