This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
