So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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