Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
