Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
you will always have a special place in my vag
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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