There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
