We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Randomize
