yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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