Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
But theres a keg here and me gusta
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
