I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
