She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
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Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
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There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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