Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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