Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
