Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
