yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Randomize