that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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