We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just invented taco cereal.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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