you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
