just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Boobs are out for the taking
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
