true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
