Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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