I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
