I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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