Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
