the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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