the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
