He managed to light the Jello on fire...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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