my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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