Is it normal to miss your booty call?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
