New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
