why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
